Do The Best You Can

Do The Best You Can

by; Vyasasan das

I remember on the morning of my initiation, 48+ years ago, my mind was completely disturbed. Srila Prabhupada was in New York for the big 1976 Rathayathra Festival, and I was there with the Radha Damodara Traveling Sankirtan Party. I had been traveling with the RDTSKP for the last year doing festivals and book distribution, and today right after the morning program I was about to get my first initiation. Like I said, my mind was disturbed. I was in total anxiety, never felt such terrible anxiety and doubt before. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it, wasn’t sure I could make such a serious promise. “I promise to chant 16 rounds and follow all 4 regulative principles.” I mean, I’m pretty sure I can follow some of the regulative principles, and chant some of my rounds every day, but 4 regs. and 16 rounds every day for the rest of my days, I don’t know?

Sure I had been following for the last year. But I have had good association, devotees like Visnujhana Swami, Gurudas Swami, Jayananda Prabhu etc. along with all my God brothers in close proximity, waking me up, and reminding me to chant louder. They all inspired me, and showed by their good example, how to be a good devotee. But what about when they weren’t there? When they moved on, went to other places in the world to preach, and I find myself alone with my lazy self.

The doubts and anxiety were pilling up and I was beginning to sweat profusely. We were having Guru-puja and Srila Prabhupada was sitting on the Vyasasana, and everyone in the temple room seemed ecstatic, jumping up and down, and chanting Prabhupada! But I was a wreck, totally devastated by doubt, I can’t make a promise that I probably can’t keep.

Then it was over and Srila Prabhupada was passing out a tray of cookies from the Vyasasana. First to the children, then to the new brahmacharis. When it was finially my turn I stood before Srila Prabhupada with my hand out. And he leaned forward and touched my hand with a cookie, but to my surprise he held his hand on mine for a moment and looked into my terrified face, and with his eyes asked “are you alright?”. He could see right into me, saw my fears and doubts. and then with a smile which said “it will be all right, just do the best you can?”

He knew I going to have a hard time with the promise I was about to make, but he accepted me in spite of myself. Knowing that if I made this promise to chant 16 rounds and follow the 4 regulative principles, that someday, somehow, I would keep my pledge. It hasn’t been easy, I am full of faults and weaknesses. But I have never forgotten my promise. And no, I haven’t been able to chant my16 rounds every day, life got so busy, and I didn’t have any good association for many years. But I pray that someday, somehow, I will live up to the promise I made.

Life has slowed down some now, and I am finding I have more time in the morning because I don’t need to rush off to work. So it has been easier to complete my rounds, and I am finding profound joy and a sense of satisfaction, when I complete my prescribed rounds.

I offer my utmost respectful obeisances to all the devotees that have been able to keep their promise, I’m sure some of them have. And I offer my respectful obeisances to all the devotees that have tried, and are trying, and have continued to keep the faith. We all have different karma, both past and present, and some evolve sooner and some later. But I think it is important to remember, regardless of your position in life, to do the best you can.